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Speaking with the Dead

The time is in the mid-1800s. The place is a parlor where a medium has a client and some invited friends of the client. They are seated around a table, the room is lit with candles, and they are all holding hands in a circle.

What happens next is the stuff that spooky movies are made of. The medium goes into a trance and contacts her spirit guide. This could be anything from a dead relative of hers on the "other side" to a Guardian Angel or Ascended Master. She asks the guide to locate the client's husband, brother, or son.

After a few moments of silence, the medium falls into a trance. The horns sound, and disembodied spirits fly around the room, rapping answers to the questions of the client or the friends - one rap for yes, two for no. Maybe even the spirit speaks through the medium. The table shakes and moves, and everyone gets excited and breathless as information from the spirit is passed on to the party present through the medium.

That's how many of us think this all began. But it has been going on for a long time. From the local seer in villages and towns to the shaman in the caves, speaking with the dead is nothing new. There are many different ways of doing it, but - what are we really doing?

For those of us who have this ability, and there are many, it can be just on a personal level, where we are in contact with someone close to us. Some of us can speak with any spirit that needs to talk.

But what about all this theatre? Is this really necessary? Let's examine what really happens and how this all comes about.

At the time of the scene above, spiritualism and mediums were relatively new to the general public. And at that time, theatre was a trendy means of entertainment. Combining both was a stroke of genius, if you will, that enabled the medium to attract a lot of attention and lots of clients. This does not mean the information was not accurate. It just means that showmanship was king at that time, and many mediums used it.

We see something of this repeated today. But not as spectacular as it was then. We look at TV shows or books that describe a medium's personal experiences. Look at John Edwards or Sylvia Brown. While the moving tables and floating spirits are not included in the package, we still see the showmanship or theatre being provided as a platform for the medium.

Mediums have been around for a long time. There are even centers where mediums congregate, like Lilly Dale, New York, or Cassadaga in Florida. There are other smaller communities throughout the United States. These centers provide support for the medium community and offer a place where their services can be sought without issues from the local government.

The theatre issue, which attracted much attention to the mediums, ended up being the issue that caused them the most harm and prompted them to create their own communities. It was called a sham, a fraud, and in many areas, mediums were outlawed, fined, and imprisoned. The followers were convinced by the genuine article. Still, not all mediums were real, and the theatre helped cover the fraud in many cases. A few con artists ruined it for the many actual practitioners.

But why all the theatre? Well, to be honest, much of what takes place between a medium and the spirit is not seen. Most of it goes on inside the head of the medium. And how do you convince the client that what you are telling them is a real connection with their departed loved one. Besides, many of the clients wanted the show. As I said, entertainment was king and a good show attracted a lot of attention and seemed to add to the validation of the experience for the client.

If someone sat across a table from you and nonchalantly told you your Uncle Ed was there and that he wanted you and his wife to know he was at peace - would you believe them? Probably not without something tangible. Not without something that truly convinced you that they were there. After all, if you could speak with Uncle Ed yourself, why would you bother to go to a medium?

So, we have the theatre to convince the client that the message is genuine. In the cases of authentic mediums, information was offered that solidly convinced the client that the medium was indeed connected with their loved one. All the theatre aside, when a very personal and never shared event comes from the medium to the client that only the departed person and the client would know, this is very convincing to the client and the reason the client trusted the medium, to begin with. At this point, the theatre is a sideshow, an extra. The information is the key.

You see this with John Edwards and Sylvia Brown. They share with the client right off something that only the client would know. A personal item that only the client knew came from the departed or an event that they never shared with anyone. Or a very personal moment from both their lives. The show and the information are what convinced the public at that time that mediums were genuine and gave the medium a solid following.

As mediums, our own experiences vary. Some of us see or hear letters or words. Some of us see pictures. The spirits we deal with are sometimes very focused on one particular item or event, and it is hard to get any further information. Or they are unfocused and scattered, and it is, again, challenging to understand what they want.

We do not "see" as others see things. We get pictures in our minds, or we hear whispers in our heads that give us information that we are supposed to pass on. Our job as a medium is to focus the spirit, get the information, clarify it with the client, and help the client understand what the spirit is trying to get across to them.

Sometimes, the message is very generic. That is because the spirit is at peace; there are no issues, and the spirit is more concerned with moving on. The client needs to let go and allow this spirit to move to the next world.

Sometimes, there are issues that only the client has. This does not concern the spirit, and the dearly departed is not going to deal with the client's issues. Again, we will have little information to pass on to the client. And we need to get across to the client that the spirit has no interest in what the client is concerned with. These are the most challenging types of sessions, and usually, the client goes away discouraged or unhappy with the connection. There is really nothing we can do about this.

Good connections are when the spirit and the client are both on the same page, their concerns are mutual, and the spirit is willing to talk. The client is receptive to the answers the medium channels from the spirit to the client. Sometimes, the focus of the client is not the same as the spirit, and the exchange can be fuzzy, as the client is looking for some specific information and the spirit is concerned with something else. These connections take time to work out and can be difficult for both the client and the medium, but they are workable.

Sometimes, it is all for nothing. The spirit is gone, unconcerned with the client or their concerns, and there is no communication.

The use of guides, in this case, is very common and helpful. The guide, the connection the medium has with the world beyond the veil, can help clarify to the medium what is going on. Uncle Ed has nothing to say. There is nothing you can do to entice him to come chat with you. We are honest with the client and tell them this. There is nothing more we can do.

There are no records that I am aware of that suggest any kind of violence done by the spirits to the mediums who channel them. While it may drain the energy from some mediums, actual harm done is not recorded and, in my own experience, unheard of. Fear that spirits may do harm is unfounded. If you are really concerned, take precautions by protecting the area you work in, but I find it unnecessary. Again, it is so much "movie stuff," in my opinion.

But spirits do tend to be exactly like what they were in life. If Uncle Ed was a well-known joker when he was alive, he is still a joker in death. And suppose the client is aware that Uncle Ed was a compulsive liar in life. In that case, the client should be advised that nothing has changed with Uncle Ed and that death does not make Uncle Ed any less of a liar.

This leads us to what the spirits may say. Is everything going to be true? Are the spirits always going to be polite and proper? No, not at all. And we, as mediums, come across an ethical issue. Do we tell Aunt Sally that the spirit of Uncle Ed just gave you a picture of a pig while indicating Aunt Sally? Well, no, I would never do that. But Uncle Ed may also indicate another man and that Aunt Sally was attached to this other man somehow. I've had this happen, and it turned out that the wife had an affair with the other man that the deceased had found out about while alive and was mad at her for it. But he never said anything to her. His image of a pig I kept to myself, but the mention of the affair confirmed to the wife that I was indeed in touch with the deceased, and it made the whole session a lot easier to handle. It was the issue that needed to be resolved, and the session did this for both the client and the spirit. The need to mention the image of the pig was not necessary, and I left it out. I mentioned the deceased was displeased with the event but never mentioned anything else. Ethical? In my opinion, yes, and the mention would have upset the session even further. What if the information from the deceased had been wrong, or a lie or a mistake on the part of the deceased? What purpose would it serve in mentioning it?

Each of us will need to decide on what information we will pass on based on the information and how upset the client is or can become. It was an upsetting situation; I did not need to complicate the matter any further. It is a matter of personal choice.

At this time of year, coming up on Halloween, the veil between the worlds is thin, and we may experience some kind of connection with the spirits of our departed loved ones. I think this cycle of planetary alignments is making the veils even thinner, and some of us who might not have experienced this kind of connection before are finding we are on new ground. Some of us will never get beyond a simple connection with our own loved ones. That is probably all we will ever need in our own personal experience. I feel it should be cherished and enjoyed. It is a gift, and if you are given it, you are indeed fortunate.

The experiences, however, will be the same for you as they are for those of us who connect with more than just our own loved ones. We will know the connection is confirmed by the information that we receive from the spirits we connect with. The need for theatrics in this day and age is not really necessary and should not be expected or offered. But the validation of the experience, usually by the information we receive from the deceased, will be the key to knowing the connection has been made and is real. We don't need the tipping tables or the floating spirits anymore. I think we have pretty much grown up from that and can understand without all the theatrics.

If you encounter an experience such as this at this time of year, relax. It's a learning experience for you, and it will help resolve some issues you may have had with the deceased and, in many cases, some problems you may not have even known. This is a time to resolve these issues and make peace with your departed loved ones and yourself.

Take some time to remember those who you loved who have passed beyond the veil, do not be afraid to make a connection with them, and remember them fondly because that is what this time of year is all about. And if you hear some tapping in response to your questions...

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Boudica Foster is the pen name for Margaret Foster

All website material that is written, drawn, or photographed is the work and property of Margaret Foster unless otherwise noted.